My Encouragement!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Silent tears

"I am leaving" she said to him on phone. "Meet me one last time please" he begged her. "Alright" she said.
He opened the door. There she was, standing in silence. Looking at him in despair. He gestured her to come in. A deep silence that had gripped their hearts now seem to have spread in the room. An hour passed. All they did was stare at each other waiting for the other one to break down. No one of the two showed any remorse. She gave a smile and got up to leave. The time had come. He held her hand and gestured her to sit. She sat on his lap, slowly tilting her head on his chest. Her legs brought up on the couch. He held her as if he held a baby,tightly clenching her around by his both hands. And they cried for hours together in silence. Tears rolling down their eyes drop after other. The universe had given up on them a long time ago. This sadness was their only shelter, a sheild they used to breathe in every emotion. Remembering each other every day and not doing anything about it. Neither they looked at each other, nor they consoled each other. They just sat there destroying every bit of their soul that was still alive. He cried in silence. She cried in silence. She left. He closed the door trying to soak in what it felt to hold her. He remembered that feeling again. His hands trembling. He knew he had lost.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Deleted

I have lost the count of
The number of times
I have deleted you...
Unfelt your presence..
Unlearned the memories..
Forgot the love..
Embraced the pain..
Blocked your thoughts..
Time to block you again for
the millionth time...
And the last time...
Should have done it ages ago..
But my good got over me.
Over time my weak memory
Had deleted the distress
And sadness you brought..
Life never makes you forget though..
And we get reminded of our mistakes
Time and again..
I love who I am now..
Strong, independent and fearless..
Of all you should be the last person
Telling me who I should be..
God saved me from a disaster..
For this I thank him
A zillion times...
You need to be buried..
This and all Other lifetimes..
You have met me here..
Don't follow elsewhere..
Time to burn it,
Delete it,
Block it,
Forget it,
Regret it,
Bury it
Now and forever....

Friday, March 30, 2018

Old diaries

Some mistakes
And a few repent..
Quite some lives they change..
Come back to say sory..

but will few griefs it mend?
One forgets, forgives and moves on..
Yet they say after a long time I am still  hanging on..

Saturday, March 24, 2018

My Game

I will always keep my guard up.
You'll never know
the truth behind all the words.
Traveled and yet stagnant,
Your fragrance I will always remember;
But won't confront till
I'd get over you.
It will always be you, though
I'll deny it a million times.
The guard has to be up,
That's my rule.
This game of words is mine love,
I can't let you win,
When you made me loose.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Wage A War

I feel you,
Presence carved into the deepest wall
Of my soul...
So as every try to love another
Goes in vain...
The tied and trapped
Lovers aren't we...
Lost like the treasures of great kings,
We lost each other; treasures in itself.
Be it your fault or mine..
In the end we wandered.
Exactly what the universe wanted..
We should have battled..
Waged a war with the imbecile universe..
How dare it'd attempt to bring this on one soul..
My soul..
Why did we let it get to us?

Should I change my name..
Or hide yours from everyone..
How can I?
Everytime I bleed, I still bleed you..
The darkness dwells and the cold moon
Teases every time I try and leave..
I am caught with you somewhere..
There is no freeing from this emotion..
One scratch on you ever..
I'd still destroy everything that breathes..

Lost aren't we to all..
There is nowhere to go now.
There is no in between.
Only till this soul leaves the bone and flesh..
You said we aren't together this lifetime,
But in all the others after, I'd be yours..
Take me love.. Take me to this other lifetime..
And this time tie your soul to mine...
So the universe knows there are no two..
Next lifetime I'd be waiting..
And dare you'd escape..
I didn't burn the world this time..
But I'd burn the universe then...


Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Damaged

The trivial emotions ransacked
With burden not so great.
I have seen people with bigger disasters.
There is no coming back home this year.

I'd pass the gates and glare through windows out the house.
Love I'd feel but no more.
Regardless of the attachment
Who'd thought I'd abandon my own.

Reckless, unforgiving and heartless
The bitch I can be.
Choosing between love and relationship.
Nothing prevails.
Only sins and forever guilts.
No matter the choice
The damage will be forever.
I'd be this unsettled soul
Forever asking for forgiveness.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Q & A

What's your biggest fear? He asked.
Encroachment, I said.
The fear that slowly someone will
take over my life and I will loose myself again.

What you resent the most? He asked.
Dependence, I said.
I resent the thought that I'd not be able to look after myself. Not financially dear. I meant emotionally.

What's your biggest regret? He asked .
Year's ago I didn't ask someone what exactly went wrong. Not that we'd be together. But to acknowledge the other side of this failed story.

What do you despise? He asked.
Attachment, I said.
Nothing good comes out of it. Every person for themselves. People are just companions for the journey called life.

What is your biggest asset? He asked.
Oh a few I have I said.
Perseverance, empathy and patience.
Perseverance cause I never give up. That comes when you believe you are not perfect, and you make mistakes and the fact that you still believe in yourself despite those mistakes.
Empathy as I know I have to give back to the world what it has given me.
Patience as nothing comes easily. Nor money, fame, success, relationships and neither mental peace.

What do you love? He asked.
Me, I said.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Questions...

Precious unpredictable life they say,
Living, awake and breathing I say ,
Where is your soul they ask,
Lost trying to live I say..
Lost trying to stay awake I say..
Lost trying to breathe I say...

Millions of life I see
How many carry their souls in harmony I ask,
A few they say,
So why did the millions loose it I ask,
We have no answer they say.

I say; No one understands no one...
We loose it all in the end..
Neither the blood relations help
Nor the ones made by choice..
The journey sour or sweet
In a trillion years won't matter..
So why the fuss you make, I ask
To make your tomorrow safe, they say

I laugh, What tomorrow..
I know no tomorrow..
Let me Breathe please just for today..
Let me find my soul I beg..
Life takes a toll
And ultimately we loose..
Please let me loose with dignity..
I say,
You can't, they say..
Why? I ask.
Cause we gave you life they say.

I stare at the absurdity.
Lost I have my soul Yes
But now I loose my life too..
Precious unpredictable as it is..
Goodbye I say to all...

Monday, February 19, 2018

Let me cry

Passing by life with the speed of light,
Flashes of past and present
Intertwined with confusion.
I have fought these battles head on,
And now the scars burn away day in and day out.
For now let me cry all my silent tears..

Let me drown into the turmoil
Of destruction..
Waging a war with myself
Be defeated and smothered
By my own hands
To loose not to others
But myself...
For now let me cry a thousand tears...

There is no black and white
There is no right and wrong
All that prevails are circumstances
And your own zones of Grey..
For now let me cry and cry
and cry my soul out...
Let me cry my silent repressed tears...

Friday, December 22, 2017

You miss me... I get that....

You miss me...
I get that...
From your small texts,
From your random how are you...

I know for a fact,
You try to search for me in her..
to connect with me in her..
And disappointment is all you receive...
I get that..

You feel empty..
You try to find that bit of soul
That would bring you the happiness
You felt when you were with me...
I get that....

You miss me...
I get that....
From all you do knowingly
Unknowingly..
Souls once connected,
Carry their RUST forever...
To find new partners
But never the connection...

Us; you and me
We are different..
I let go of past long back
And accepted the future..
You let go of present before
And now are stuck in past...
Hoping your present
Carries a ounce of peace
What your past had... 

You wish you could undo
My hatred
You wish you could turn time
To undo what you made wrong..
All cause you didn't know then
What you'd get would
Not even be close to what you had..

You miss me..
I get that..
I really do...
But there is nothing either
One of us can do about it...